“I was talking to Scotland”

I was talking to my oldest brother Paul, who’s in Scotland
He thinks I’ve gone completely mad

He said I find it unbelievable anyone would care about your sexuality
I said you’d have to be here to believe it
And he got uncomfortable as if he was in a psyche ward talking to a nutter and

… uncomfortable silence, said goodbye, and hung up…

I was laughing about how crazy it is

To be “accused” of not being lezzo

And he thought I’d gone manic, hahaha

Manic, if I laugh or if I didn’t laugh

If there’s a male within 50 kilometres of me

It would all be evidence to the

Self-appointed head psychiatric nurses in charge

That I wasn’t gay, too

Why aren’t you with her then?

Well, Paul, they’re telling her I’m not gay

Who is?

The people!

What people? Who are all these people who care what your sexuality is?

How would I know? It’s hard to believe myself!

She’s being told I’m not gay

She’d believe it’s true because she’d think it’s too mad not to be true

You do

That’s why we’re not together

She’s just going along with everyone else, now

You’re imagining her

No, Paul….

At least, that’s how our conversations used to go

I gave up trying to explain my life to him

He wouldn’t believe my day today, for instance

A mad rapist stalking me, who I say NO to on facebook every day

Who was wearing a hajib today.  (I guess?) so he looked like a woman, and that way I’d look at him

Anyway it’s a joke

And if the country was not so mad

He’d be a laughing stock he’s so fucking mad
But the country’s so mad, too

They listen to him as if he’s their sage

No one laughs at this psycho in a hajib

And I laughing at the nutter, and all the rest of the nutters, and –

They said

You’re not being gay!

I didn’t even say it to Paul. He’d probably never phone me again

My last link to sanity would think he’d lost me completely

Tho it’s as if my true love and I were both stranded on an island alone

The maleficent ghosts whisper homophobic slurs from some ship wrecked here

Hundreds of years ago

I’m schizophrenic!

But what’s most peculiar and insane about all this is

I am a lezzo, and I have been my entire life

I think that’s why Paul thinks I’ve completely lost it