Mum

Perhaps I’m not ready

To tackle you-forgive you,

Within one poem, mum.

Perhaps a smile would work

I love, maybe a little love as well

Once, perhaps one day.

Tho always so far

Means no way, dear

To find a way to your heart.

Even tho the world hate me

Perhaps a mother could love

Perhaps you’re right, I’m deluded.

And maybe once, did you love me

When I was young,

Before I became me?

Tho you’d take

Anyone’s side against me

I can’t hold a grudge

Tho ive “never left”

I’d leave for real love

My heart knows

When you have to ask that question

Ad infinitum

It’s not love, mum.

On I go, like a good child

I go on a journey to a different realm

One noone knows, and who knows

Is not living.

Yet I dwell, that question on my lips

I want one honest answer

Not a quote

From highway to heaven,

Compassion, rubbish, mum.

Life’s hard, I know

Would have been good, but the blame

Could have belonged

To a happy family,

What will you see mum,

When your time comes?

I carry on beneath a mountain

My hearts escaped you, mum

I’ve met the goddess pride, all queered up

Who teaches self love

And this nutty capitalism

Teaches me not to believe jealousy

Including you, mum

No longer not, but,

Nina Simone’s blackbird will fly high

To the goddess of love

And anything which pleases her

Like passing the torch, mum, to her

And retreat, dear mother, like a memory

Of self hatred and blame

For being born

Suffering walks on in me

Never knowing home, hellbent

On being born again to a different mum