Stream of consciousness with a knife and heart

A knife is quite a pleasant sight, dripping with my own blood.

Death, sweet death, take me like anaesthetic or a hit, come to me, spread numbness over me and take me somewhere better.

The human suburbs are full of hell and hate. Sounds of laughter and judgment nip at my inner ear, and occasionally, a bit of pity tossed in, to dig at me in a whole new way.

You all kill me, through the heart, with walking away silence. No friend to talk to, can’t count one among you. Plastered lies all over my body: signs of a mass abuse. I’ll die tonight, before 12, either way not one saved me. Gave me pittance, upon wind-changing hatred. Yet I’m already dead. I have chosen death.

I long to slip back into the green, unseen and forgotten, away, to fly like a bird from an overcrowded station, going wherever the old world takes me, back to light, back somewhere where there’s love, to earth, to wander across her soul.

What happened tonight? Thing is, I’m never sure. People move away from me…I hear…I want to get out of here. I’ll no longer even talk of love, it hurts so much, my heart mortally wounded, I don’t know how she still beats. She carries on, according to herself and her love of me…what did I, a creature in hell, do to deserve this heart? She’s numb. She’s dying or dead. No one ever loved her in return, cept a Russian blue.

Waves of pain trigger through my body. My soul is sick and numb. I had 3 hrs roughly in this life, and what? To die into numbness some unremarkable night. For a worse death to take me. Yet there’s still pain of course, it’s a knife, of course.

It’s like I’ve internalised the cyber world’s electric current, a worse dream, no longer flesh and blood, a wierd creature with electric shocks shuddering through nature’s beauty. HAVE YOU ALL FINALLY COLONISED ME, YOU BASTARDS?

A number heart rupturing electric shocks through my soul. An anvil. Bam bam bam. Reconfigure. Reshape. Aye, but here, Cal, grab it while it’s hot. Use the mind currents, so loyal to your heart, and grab it now! This weird flesh/electric/metal is still and beating, not numb: transmogrified. Terrifying ordeal in the earth bowel. Alight a warrior, breastplate for heart. And im here! I can’t believe it! From inside my womb, I birthed a new being. Charged, ineffable.

Metal. My skin invulnerable to the ear bashing tyrant, the wind, it carries the wind itself. My mind electric. Currents of bones. My heart, my angel, rises triumphant. One. Transforming into love, my heart becomes the work of my hands. Forged like a white flower made from iron, unfolding upon electric circuit, a heart that knows, materialises love and transforms iron to gold, into light. Round and round. Bashed bloody heart hit the bowels rocks, shattered on impact, and opened, immortal. Toss the knife.

Cal Kalve